by: Gerrit Dawson
“Whatever it takes.” You hear that in sports, or in relationships, whenever people are determined to reach their goal. “I’ll do what I have to do” to keep you with me, to score a goal, to make the grades. These heroic words mean people are totally committed. They will abandon themselves for someone else.
David and Jonathan were friends like that. Jonathan was the son of Israel’s first king, Saul. David was the young man who had been selected by God to be the next king. Both, then, were princes. They could have been jealous of each other. Jonathan had the bloodlines; David had the prophecy of his future reign. Instead, they were best friends.
Now King Saul was given to fits of jealous madness. Saul knew that because of his own earlier disobedience, the Lord had chosen David to succeed him. So instead of rejoicing in David’s military victories for Israel, Saul only hated him more. Watching David win was like watching his kingship slip away. So Saul plotted to put David to death. But Jonathan warned David, and did all he could to persuade his father to give up his violent plans.
As the story unfolds in I Samuel 20, David met secretly with Jonathan to share his fears that Saul was still after him. He needed Jonathan to find out Saul’s intent. Though it meant being a spy in the king’s court, Jonathan said to his friend, “Whatever you say, I will do for you” (vs. 4). In other words, “Whatever it takes. Whatever I have to do to get you to safety, count on me to do it.” In fact, it took a lot. For we read later that when Saul cursed Jonathan and disgraced him publicly for defending David.
In turn, David swore to do “whatever it takes” for Jonathan. He promised his love and faithfulness to Jonathan. This was a much bigger deal that it might seem. The two friends were not likely to see each other again. When the dispute between David and Saul became an all out war between two sides, the ancient code dictated that the winner should slaughter the entire family of the loser. But David promised by his love that if he won, he would break the code and yet remain to Jonathan and his family all his life.
The story tells us that David loved Jonathan “as he loved his own life” (vs. 17). That’s a soul friendship, a deep-down, in-your-bones love between friends. Some people never have such a friend. The most blessed of us will still have only one or two friends like that their whole lives. Still, what we see in David and Jonathan, rare as it is, provides a great model for the kind of friend I want to be to all my friends.
David and Jonathan looked out for each other. They spoke up for each other, even if it cost them. I want to speak up for my friends even if it means that I lose social standing, or even if I lose other friends. Because real friends are loyal. They speak the truth to each other. They defend each other.
When we read Psalm 55, we learn that David knew all too well how painful it is when friends turn such loyalty into cruel betrayal: “It is not the enemies who taunt me—I could bear that…But it is you, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend, with whom I kept pleasant company” (vs 12-14). We expect enemies, and maybe even strangers, to be disloyal. The world (especially school!) is a hard place. We can take that scorn. But when our friends cut us, the pain is terrible. For we are not only mocked, but our trust is betrayed. I don’t want to be that kind of friend. I like to think that I’d rather take abuse from others than turn my back on a friend in time of need.
David and Jonathan dealt honestly with each other. They shared their fears with each other. They held each other accountable. They made promises and kept them. Each one put the other friend ahead of himself. Jonathan risked the wrath of the king to protect David in the short term. David promised to risk breaking the whole code of the nation to protect Jonathan and his family years later. Each thought more of the other than of himself. “He loved him as he loved his own life.”
We can’t be this kind of friends with everyone. And we’ve got to be careful not to be this loyal to those who don’t share a commitment with us to doing God’s will above all else. (Our first loyalty, after all, is to our Lord). But still, this story offers us an example of what friends can be. Even more, it tells me how to act toward my friends, looking out for them, defending them, and thinking of their interests first.
Next Day Stretch
Make a list of all your friends. Then place a star by the two or three whom you consider to be the most loyal, the closest to your heart. Thank God for them, naming their best qualities aloud. Finally, considering how you can be a better friend in the coming days.