Family prayer time. Eeew. Kinda creepy. Is it necessary? Does anybody do it? Well, we do. But, I embarrassed to say, not as much as we could. Still, prayer provides an important, invisible tie between us as a family.

No, we don’t heft a thirty pound Bible down from the shelf, chain the kids to their chairs, and blab for 45 minutes until everyone is in a spiritual stupor. In fact, we don’t do nearly as much praying together as we used to, nor nearly as much as I’d like. But I believe prayer is nevertheless a key part of our life as a family.

Why don’t we pray together more? First, everyone is increasingly scattered. When all the kids were under ten, their parents controlled their schedules. We could enforce a time together for reading the Bible and praying. Now in the days when all four are between 11 and 20, simply being together in one room is something of a miracle.

But that’s not the worst impediment to praying as a family. Praying is very intimate. In the years where our kids are becoming their own people, they often guard most of their emotions from their parents. The boys, in particular, don’t want to let out too much information about anything. Prayer, if it is not just superficial, requires a voicing of matters of the soul. Praising God requires expressing the ardor of the heart. That can be embarassing. Even my wife and I have had to work hard to be able to pray aloud together. It has taken years to be able to do it, and most of the time we pray independently of each other. For families, then, a prayer and worship time can be difficult.

So what does our family do? We always pray before meals. Even in restaurants. It’s a habit now to acknowledge God as the source of all good gifts. We try to take turns offering these prayers of blessing so that everyone has a chance to be the voice of the family. Each night, my youngest and I still say our prayers together. And it pleases me to see our 15 year old reading his Bible before bed. He’s making faith his own. Even if we’re not praying together, there is an acknowledgement between us that we’re both praying.

We pray aloud, too, whenever we’re going out of town, for travelling mercies and protection on the house. Everyone loves to remind me of the one trip we didn’t pray, because my wife and I were having a spat. Forty-five mintues into the trip, the van hissed, spewed, and ground to a halt! No, I don’t think God was punishing us, but I did learn a lesson about how we all feel more complete when those trips start with acknowledging God and our need for protection.

We pray with our children in particular times, too. When they are struggling with relationships, or teachers, one of us may put a hand on a shoulder and say a prayer. We remind our kids that we’ll be praying for them on days when we know they have a lot of stress. And there are still times when we do gather together and pray as a family—on Christmas Eve, or in a time of crisis. Prayer is there for us, underlying our whole lives.

Still, I miss the days when we prayed more. The daily readings and prayers during Advent. Family Bible study. Memorizing passages together. Hearing my son at age 7 recite all 66 books of the Bible in under two minutes! I miss hearing a little voice say, “Thank you for dis beautiful day. Thank you for Gegus.” [that would be “Jesus” in toddler speak] Of course, I miss all the ways we were so close before the teen years came and the drive for independence grew so strong. But I suspect that one day even some of that spiritual intimacy will return at a different stage of life.

Family prayer is not easy. If your family isn’t used to it, you might have a hard time getting it started. But there are little ways to get started. Offering to pray before a meal, asking your parents to pray for you during the time you have a test, or letting your Mom or Dad know that you’ll be praying for them during the day can help open your family to experience more the invisible ties of love that come from prayer.

Next Day Stretch

This week, volunteer for the blessing before dinner. Ask a sister, brother or parent if there is anything you can be praying about for them. Invite a family member to pray for something in your life. Family prayer is hard to get going, but try experimenting by taking a tiny risk this week.